Motherhood and mental health: A psychologist's take on maintaining mental wellbeing during pregnancy and beyond
As a highlight reel, social media paints pregnancy as a magical time filled with glowing skin, tiny kicks, and baby name-brainstorming. However, beneath the surface lies a very raw experience that doesn’t get talked about enough. The emotional rollercoaster that comes with growing life inside of you is beautiful yet not without its challenges.
To shed light on the real experience of protecting and nurturing your mental health during this life-changing time, I sat down with Maddy, our very own Director and Clinical Psychologist, who is navigating her second pregnancy! In this candid conversation, she shares insights, tips, and reflections on managing mental wellbeing during pregnancy and beyond.
1. How has your understanding of mental health changed since entering motherhood?
The main way in which my perspective on mental health has shifted since I became a mother is understanding the difficulty of balance and time for yourself / engagement in self care. Not only in the newborn stages is it just physically very difficult to have alone time or time away from your baby to take care of yourself but there is a significant emotional toll that many refer to as "mothers guilt" that impacts many mothers feelings of deservingness and ability to take care of their mental health. I am not sure when or if "mothers guilt" ever ends but I believe we need to have an understanding of this toll to be able to help women through this chapter of their lives.
2. For supporting parents/parent-to-bes, what should they know about mental health during pregnancy?
Pregnancy is one of the biggest times of transition in many women's lives. There is so much change not only physically but in the adjustment to a new lifestyle which happens from the moment a woman finds out they are pregnant. Prioritising mental health during pregnancy is not only beneficial to the carrying parent but is incredibly beneficial to the growing baby and for supporting adjustment into the postpartum period. Research tells us that women who experience depression or anxiety during pregnancy are at a higher risk of developing postpartum depression and therefore is very important for us to focus on and support.
3. As a psychologist, what strategies and tools do you put in place to protect your mental health day-by-day?
As a psychologist I actively prioritise my mental health firstly through sleep hygiene practices. I am deeply committed to supporting myself to get the best daily sleep possible, which can certainly be a challenge as a parent. The way in which I do this is ensuring throughout the day I eat well balanced regular meals, I do not consume more than 2 shots of caffeine per day and I aim to do some sort of movement each day. I also set myself an evening wind down routine which starts at approximately 8.30pm and am in bed no later than 9.30pm.
Outside of sleep hygiene I engage in a daily mindfulness practice (sometimes formal other times less formal e.g. a walking meditation) and aim to do something nice for myself a few times a week such as going to a pilates reformer class, seeing friends/family and going out for a date with my husband.
4. On social media, there's a lot of noise about what pregnancy "should" look and feel like. How can expecting mums navigate these unsolicited pieces of advice and manage comparison?
Every woman's pregnancy journey will look completely different. From the experience of my first pregnancy with my daughter to this second pregnancy with fraternal twin boys I can be confident that even if you have been through it once before it is guaranteed to be different a second time around - and that is for the same expecting mother let alone comparing your pregnancy to someone else's! If you find yourself doom scrolling pregnancy related content or searching pregnancy blogs I would recommend sitting back and asking yourself what it is you're really searching for? Are you looking for reassurance that your pregnancy is normal? Seeking confirmation you will one day feel like yourself again? Depending what the question is you are looking to have answered I would give a variety of recommendations but the most important takeaway is that this is your journey, no one else's! Lean into whatever it is that is coming up for you because pregnancy only lasts for a very short period of time (especially in the scheme of motherhood!)
5. What is your favourite gentle reminder or affirmation that you return to on days that feel extra hard?
The days are long but the years are short.
6. If there was one piece of advice you could go back and tell yourself during your first pregnancy, what would it be?
That it is always worth it! Whether it is just getting yourself up and out of the house for a walk during the day. Every time you do something that at some stage feels "too hard" or that you question whether it will be "worth it" - 99% of the time it always is. Being connected socially, with nature and in turn with yourself are incredibly important factors for good mental health both during pregnancy and postpartum.
7. What's one thing you wish people knew about maternal health that often gets overlooked?
I believe there is a level of general acceptance that pregnancy/postpartum is just a "tough period of time" that needs to be "dealt with". This is an incredibly sensitive time in a woman's life and a clinically significant level of adjustment is needed throughout the entire journey. If anyone were discussing this extreme level of life change in any other circumstance there would be much more accommodation and recognition for the level of adjustment that becoming a parent requires. I wish that as a society we had more support, compassion and understanding for this adjustment (without judgment) and I do believe this would lead to different maternal mental health outcomes.
Whether you’re expecting, a new parent, or supporting someone through this season of life, we hope this conversation offers validation, encouragement, and a gentle reminder: taking care of yourself is taking care of your baby.
With warmth,
Ruchi.