Self-talk as background noise: What happens when you’re not listening anymore?
Many noises in our daily lives have become background noise. The low hum of your fridge, the ticking clock, maybe even the T.V. while you’re having screen time on your phone! A lack of attunement is what can lead our inner voice to become another background noise - ever-present, quiet enough to not get our attention, and easy to ignore. The issue is that, unlike your fridge, clock, or T.V., your self-talk holds valuable information about you. In the noise of daily life we’ve become so desensitised to our inner voice that we barely notice it's there - or worse, we choose to ignore it.
The voice that rarely gets heard
Self-talk is more than the intentional act of speaking into your reflection and repeating affirmations. It is a constant internal monologue that narrates your day. The (accidentally) burnt toast in the morning, the rush to prepare your kids lunchboxes, the frustration as you miss a deadline, the passing comment you make at a mirror glance. These are all part of your self-talk. Many of us have identified that our inner voice can be our greatest critic - a stream of negativity. But the problem doesn’t stop there. The problem goes on as we suppress or turn this voice into our enemy, tuning it out. Sure, choosing not to give your energy to negativity might seem a duh concept - but not giving energy to something inherently part of yourself? That can be dangerous.
When our self-talk plays in the background, we’re not actively engaging with it - we’re absorbing it passively. In “tuning it out” we’re actually letting a quiet but steady stream of thoughts flow, influencing how we feel, what we believe about ourselves, and how we behave, without questioning whether those messages are accurate, helpful, or where they’re even coming from!
Why attunement matters
Attunement to oneself is about tuning in with curiosity, awareness, and presence. We often speak about attunement in relationships - with parents, children, and partners - but rarely about ourselves. When we’re attuned to our inner world, we notice how our thoughts, including the overly-critical ones, are shaped by our environment, experiences, and emotions.
If we’ve ever ignored ourselves to prioritise someone else, it's likely that we’ve adopted an outer voice as our own. As such, we can notice certain thought patterns: how certain situations and feelings activate a particular tone of self-talk.
If we allow our self-talk, the inner critic, to continue humming without challenge, it will not change. On the other hand, if we pay attention to the voice, challenging the critic and unpacking why such strong thoughts emerge, we can really find alignment with our inner world.
As with any unhelpful thought, the goal is not to silence your inner voice. Neither is it the goal to hyperfixate on each thought that comes through. We want to bring enough awareness to notice the voice and what it is saying. Is it helpful? Is it a mere echo of someone else’s opinion? What’s useful in these moments is to catch the thought and question it. Of course, it may not be viable to nip every thought in the bud, however, repeating this habit is how we can build it strong!
Hear yourself out
There’s a lot that demands our outward attention. We have relationships, jobs, responsibilities, even the things we do leisurely - like binge-watch the latest show - demands our attention. We can get so busy with these that inward attention might seem counterintuitive. Just because our self-talk is distorted, doesn’t mean it isn’t worth getting curious about. This is your sign to tune in - you might be surprised at what you’ve been telling yourself this whole time.
With warmth and encouragement,
Ruchi